I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the words “You know how…”, when someone is starting to explain something to me in words- to exist as a trigger point, which triggers anger within me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate having to visualize in my minds eye when someone is explaining to me a physical object/physical structure or directions in words due to me experiencing myself in relationship to words as abstract and subjective, where I realize that I do not have or understand the vocabulary one is using or frame of reference to which the person is speaking about, as I also see that the picture image that the person has in their minds eye- cannot be ‘transferred’ to me as I will never have the exact same picture in my mind as the other, and if I were to visualize in using their words and vocabulary to understand– that it would take a fair amount of effort from both of us- and so rather the other explain to me what it is they would like to express on paper, in a diagram, as that to me in this moment is much more concrete and interactive and how I prefer to learn- and thus, instead when I see another trying to explain to me a physical object/structure or directions in words, I tell them that I am a visual learner and if able to, would enjoy having the object/physical structure/directions explained in drawings, diagrams or something more visual
I forgive myself for not accepting or allowing myself to realize how I’ve actually created myself to feel stupid in conversations, through ‘tuning out’/ pretending to listen / participating in blank thoughts when it is another is explaining to me IN WORDS a physical object/structure or directions and in that– the other seeing the change in behaviour in me as it is obvious I am not listening or paying attention which may possibly trigger anger within another whereby they attempt to explain to me in the simplest of terms and expressions and me: not even trying at that point in time to understand as I have already made up my mind that I don’t learn this way, and as I see the change in behaviour within another in expressing frustration and speaking to me in simplest terms- react within myself in the belief that I am a victim within the conversation as I perceive that the other is talking down to me and becoming frustrated that I don’t understand- instead of being honest with myself and the other, that I firstly I had never asked the person to show in a visual way what it is they are explaining, and that I had the whole time been pretending to listen and understanding but as my physical behaviour suggests, as my eyes unfocus, as I lose eye contact, as I nod my head- that I’m not understanding and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider others when having conversations specifically relating to explaining and learning through words and visualizing- through ‘pretending to listen’ / ‘tuning out’ / and participating in ‘blank thoughts’, in not being an equal participant in the conversation, and instead state that I would prefer to have the physical object/structure or directions drawn in a diagram or something else more visual and in that- preventing unnecessary reactions and consequences through being honest with myself and others as me
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to always go for the pen and paper when it is I am going to explain something to another instead of using my words and vocabulary to describe what it is I enjoy explaining because to me, it is much easier, though in that, not consider the other ways people learn and so, I commit myself to, when I am about to explain something, use my words and vocabulary if that is how the other would prefer to understand and in this way, will also support me with my vocabulary and ability to visualize what others are saying through having experience in doing it myself
An Introvert's Journey To Life 