Day 80: ‘Free Time’ SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become stiff and ridged when it comes to my daily routine as I have allowed myself to become stubborn in making sure that I always have ‘time to myself’ to research different topics of momentary interest and desire, wasting my time / life on that which I would call my apparent freedom to express myself and my ‘creativity’ in designing that which I would like to manifest without consideration of the consequences, instead of realizing that the freedom to spend my time the way ‘I want to’ is not ‘free time’ as I have defined ‘free time’ in opposition to the mentality and way of life I have accepted in terms of making money where I work hard for very little / just enough to get by and that I have become enslaved by my own ‘freedoms’ as ‘creativity’ through accepting the path that has been laid out before me, that I created, working my entire life to just ‘get by’ instead of investing my life in areas that will enhance and expand myself if I am dissatisfied with ‘where and who I am’ at this point, as I have accepted and allowed myself to live in polarity of freedom and enslavement where I actually only manifest my own enslavement to a lifestyle that has no real value within myself or the relationships I have within this world due to investing my time, focus and energy on momentary desires and interests that cannot be manifested without money and the necessary actions and steps to make such desires real- in making me real in living here and focusing my attention and on perfecting who I am in my relationship to myself and others starting with my vocabulary as I realize my vocabulary has been contaminated with meanings to words that don’t support me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can be free and creative without money- through believing that designing within myself what I would do in physical creations such as painting, gardening, decorating- instead of realizing that thinking and designing how I would do things in a position opposite to the reality of my situation is pointless, as I will always require money to do the things I design within my mind and thus I am not actually free and creative due to the limitation I have pressed upon myself of accepting my relationship with myself as the ‘way it is’ in participation of desire without the physical actions required to bring those desires into fruition as I realize that when I walk a path of dedicating myself to self-perfection within the principle of what is best for all- I will remediate and correct the relationship I’ve created in terms of making money in only allowing myself to consider a very limited scope of jobs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist ‘giving up’ the apparent freedom within myself because it provides for me a momentary satisfaction I see does not last and the consequences are that I end up doing nothing of real value or importance to me because they are dreams I chase within myself- and also resist doing the opposite of taking the actions and focusing my effort to the actions that would accumulate slowly but surely the results and perfection of mastering specific techniques that would expand who I am and my expression within this world which is of real value because it is value that I have added to myself as who I am

I commit myself to stop spending my time researching and creating designs within my mind that I am not able to physically manifest right now and instead- focus my effort and attention on perfecting my relationship with myself starting with my vocabulary

I commit myself to make the decision in my life where I want to go, the path that I will take, the necessary actions and steps required to bring about that which I can change

I commit myself to give up and let go of the momentary satisfaction I get from researching different topics of interest as I realize I’m giving up nothing in return for everything

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