Day 63: Communication: Having to always be Right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself when I was speaking to x about a particular situation in x’s world where someone had asked x to do something and x replied no and the whole conversation turned into an argument- due to me not investigating and understanding what I was actually reacting to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be here and present during conversation with x due to me defining x as authority and me as inferior and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define x as authority and me the inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself naturally with x through holding onto past memory moments of when I had said something to x which triggered intensive reactions and in that, reactions within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the bad buy within my relationship to x as I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the one at fault within it all instead of considering that each person is self-responsible

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold against myself the relationship I have with x, how I would actually like our relationship to be ‘better’, relaxed, open and honest- and because it is not- me resent and blame myself in finding reasons and explanations as to what I’ve done that created our relationship this way instead of realizing that we are both self-responsible for ourselves, that I am actually acting in self interest as to wanting and needing our relationship to be ‘better’ than what it is so that I may let go of the guilt and shame I experienced in past memory moments in what I have accepted and allowed myself to become one with and equal to, towards x, instead of self-forgiving myself to no longer accept or allow myself to be influenced and directed by guilt and shame in the face of x as my primary relationship towards x that create between us a hierarchy of power, manipulation and betrayal

I forgive myself that I havent accepted and allowed myself to realize that what the conversation that x had with someone in x’s world represented to me, in what I actually reacted to, was my having to always be right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always need and have to be right, even when I’m wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify, relate and agree with people who claim they are ‘right’ in a situation due to me also wanting to be right and my opinion validated by others in my world

I commit myself to when and as I experience myself suppressing me in conversation with someone who is speaking of a particular event or situation wherein I see the nature of the conversation as being one of blame, and not wanting to stand up and speak what I would naturally speak to any other person– investigate the reason as to why and understand what it is and why I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as one and equal to the nature of the conversation and apply self forgiveness and practical application

I commit myself to face, sort out and direct within myself the relationship I have formed with x to no longer accept and allow myself to define myself and x as either authority/superior or inferior/victim as I realise, see and understand I am one and equal with x

I commit myself, when and as I become emotionally charged within a point of information as opinion– stop– allow myself to listen to another in where they are coming from before judging and coming to conclusions about what the person is saying so that I am actually able to hear another, their perspectives and allow myself to investigate the point further as I see, realize and understand that when I’ve become emotionally charged as either experiencing a positive or negative charge towards ideas/words- that I haven’t actually understood as my understanding is compromised by my own experience= my past experiences that I had not yet directed, sorted and faced

I commit myself to consider who I am and what I am accepting and allowing one and equal to x to, correct who I am within and towards x through self forgiveness and self correction, I commit myself to breathe when in amongst x, not accept or allow myself to go into anxiety and inferiority. I commit myself to be open with myself and towards x, so that no matter where I am or who I am with- I am here.

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