Day 78: Reaction to Memory + Teacher

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry with myself for holding onto past memory moments in relation to shyness, the fears behind the shyness and the memories connected to that to determine who I am, how I experience myself and what I accept and allow myself to be one with and equal to and what not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within self anger, give my power away to past memory moments that I’ve stored within me in who I will be and who I am according to my environment and those within it, giving the memories power to exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as less than my memories, through judging the memories as ‘insignificant’ and separating myself from that in denying the memory has any influence or impact on me today due to fear of change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for me in no longer allowing myself to blame my teacher and the event that had taken place within that moment in no longer accepting myself as the victim of the situation and the victim of his apparent authority and within this, fear of changing who I am in the face of those I’ve deemed as ‘nasty’, ‘vicious’ people and also how I’ve also accepted nastiness and viciousness within myself one and equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience and participate within anger due to seeing how such memory moments made an impact and influence on me due to my own sensitivity in seeing the expressions of others and relating it back to myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in an energy that comes up within me in connection to the specific memories of being in grade school and a teacher I had then instead of simply looking at the memory, looking at the anger and realizing that becoming angry is pointless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my teacher as nasty and vicious for his behaviour towards myself and towards other students in my class- instead of realizing that who he is and what he did had nothing to do with us, that I don’t have to take it personally, that there possibly was something going on in his life that contributed to his behaviour in that I never saw the whole picture and thus cannot take a stance of ego-superiority towards him, which isn’t and excuse for his behaviour but something to consider and as well, bring the point back to myself in sorting myself out

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been diminished by the words, expressions, demands and behaviours of my teacher

I commit myself to open up the memory without judgment or experiences of anger and when I see that it comes up, I stop and breathe

I commit myself to, when I am looking at memories- to not judge the memory

I commit myself to breathe

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