Day 73: Boredom SF

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to, when I see that I am experiencing boredom / the word boredom pop up into my mind- investigate boredom, what it is, how one experiences boredom and why boredom comes up within oneself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that boredom is natural and normal instead of realizing that boredom is the consequential outflow of participation in thoughts, internal conversations, backchat, emotions and experiences

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever challenge or question boredom- as I am aware that when I start to question my experiences, behaviours and habits in relation to boredom, the consequences the energetic state of boredom has on my physical body and the habits and behaviours in avoiding and postponing responsibilities- seeing the resistance to facing people, situations, events, “having to do this or that” not wanting to do anything- due to a self-victimized pattern of backchat / thoughts / internal conversations where I blame and in this awareness of how boredom is connected to blame- not face within myself my own self responsibility and instead I commit myself to when and as the word boredom comes up within me to find the cause of this boredom, why and how I am experiencing boredom, what is the reason behind this boredom and apply self forgiveness and self correction accordingly to not accept or allow myself to walk again into the same pattern of boredom / blame / victimization

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think before I get up or wake up out of bed: ‘I don’t want to get out of bed’, ‘today is going to be exactly like every other day’- instead of stopping within myself any thoughts or reactions that come up within me first thing in the morning, breathing through the thoughts that come up and decide within myself that I do not accept or allow myself to identify, agree or accept the thoughts as who I am, and push, will and motivate myself to physically move myself out of bed and start the day, breath by breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within a heavy energetic state through connecting this heavy energy to thoughts in regards to not wanting to face this or that, not wanting to do this or that, thinking my day will be just like any other day– instead of realizing that the experience isn’t towards that which I am projecting the heavy energy towards- but that I am in this moment of participating in thoughts defining the heavy energetic experience within me and thus accepting and allowing the experience to be one with and equal to who I am- when it is not- it is an energy, and I do not accept or allow myself to define myself according to such energy as I do not give permission for this energy to dictate to me how and what to experience myself

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 72: Revisiting Self-Victimization

In this blog I will be going back and expanding on my self forgiveness statements from an earlier blog here:

https://sallyclairewiseman.wordpress.com/2013/09/25/day-56-self-victimization-sf/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the egotistical, self-righteous position towards (corporation) due to stating and believing within myself that their decisions were morally wrong in what led up to my eventual lay off- and that I am right and morally superior simply because I see the actions taken by (corporation) that led to my eventual lay off and judging the decisions as ‘bad’ / ‘wrong’ , and thus myself the opposite as ‘good’ / ‘right’- instead of seeing my own self dishonesty reflected by my anger which I created, exerted and blamed on (corporation)- for ‘acting in self-interest‘- Instead of realizing within myself the extent to which I’ve placed my self-interests before the whole and those around me throughout my life- through participating in trivial conflicts, such as my experience with being laid-off, in only considering myself and my experiences and thus my reaction proving I am one with and equal to (corporation), that which I’ve separated myself from

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the self victimization I utilize to keep me in a position of dependency within my world and within my mind- already existed before being laid off and thus the reactive emotional experiences that surge up within me towards the situations and events is actually an opportunity the mind had utilized to regenerate energy for itself to continue its existence- where the thoughts that had popped up within me I identified myself with, agreed with and reacted towards- only existed to have me catch the bait, react, and confirm the powerlessness and victimization I accepted within me, within my mind towards the monetary system in separation of me- when in actuality I had only victimized and further confirmed my dependency on the mind within myself so to keep me enslaved to the mind and the monetary system and not stand up, take the initiative and put in the effort to support me financially

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become ‘stuck’ in comparing my position within the monetary system towards the position of others in worrying about ‘unfairness’ within it- considering my reaction to ‘unfairness’ as more than the affects and consequences of my behaviour, thoughts, internal conversation, the affect of energy has on the body, on the relationships I have with others, that which I support within this system as a whole that I have separated myself from through giving my power away through the exertion of anger- instead of looking beyond my own self interests when and as I see within myself thoughts pop up in relation to anger, ‘unfairness’, comparison and paranoia and take self responsibility for me in who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and decide within myself when such thoughts, emotions and experiences pop up again- that I no longer accept or allow myself to abdicate my self-responsibility of me through participation in anger, ‘unfairness’ / emotions, comparison, judgment and paranoia- I breathe, apply self forgiveness and self correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the anger within me I created through judging myself as being right and that which I’ve separated myself from as wrong instead of taking responsibility for me in realizing I created this anger through my participation in thoughts, internal conversations and backchat and thus wholly responsible for this anger, my position and status within where I am and who I have become as I already existed within the patterns of habitual behaviours in blame and thus, I commit myself to stop the habitual behaviours and patterns of blame and anger through realizing I already existed as that which I blame, that anger gets me nowhere but with even more anger, irritation and resentment and thus- Instead I will myself to take responsibility for me in standing up within myself to no longer accept or allow anything less than who I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react and participate in anger through taking my lay off personally through blaming my reactions and experiences towards (corporation) instead of expanding my awareness in realizing it’s not about me- there were so many different dimensions within the decisions that lead to my eventual lay off- that if (corporation) had taken the necessary steps to follow their contractual agreements, I wouldn’t of had the opportunity to work for (corporation) in the first place and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame how I experience myself towards (corporation) through only filtering my perception in only seeing the events that had played out according to my own interests that benefit myself only and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with the current status, position and experience of myself in my life- blaming everything and everyone else around me, outside of me instead of me standing up within myself and directing myself if I am simply not satisfied with and where I am and what I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that my position, status and relationship towards (corporation) is unfair- and to think and believe that to be angry with and towards (corporation) in separation of me is making the statement that I do not accept its existence- when actually it’s the direct opposite- in that, through exerting, lashing out and being angry with or towards (corporation) and its actions in separation of me- is a statement of blame and thus I give (corporation) and their decisions – power to exist and I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing the very existence of a system within which workers are disposable if I accept and allow the existence of mind- and thus I commit myself to stand up within and as me to not longer accept and allow my mind to control, direct and disempower me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards everything and everyone around me for being called back to work for (corporation) as a part time employee, due to me participating in thoughts and paranoia within the belief that if (corporation) requires more workers, that they should be recalling those that have been laid off instead of hiring new part timers to fill those positions and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing paranoia surrounding (corporation) and its decisions through and within the belief that I am always, somehow being fucked over by this corporation- instead of realizing the fact that I am essentially ‘fucking myself over’ through participating in paranoia, following and believing in my thoughts, constantly regenerating within me the mind that removes me from reality into a small confined limited space instead I commit myself to stop within me the paranoia in relation to (corporation) through stopping my thoughts, not accepting or allowing myself to follow and believe my thoughts and direct my focus, attention and energy on finding solutions and walking the corrections to become a self-responsible person in this world

Image

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 71: Letting go of Anger

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see anger come up within me, and within this awareness of anger that is here– accept the belief that I do not know what to do with myself in terms of the anger being an ‘energetic movement that has to be redirected somehow‘- instead of just breathing, breathing through the anger until it is dissipated and ensure that I do not allow thoughts to come up within the mind and identify, agree with or accept as who I am as I realize the nature of the thoughts in relationship to the anger that I experience- exist only to justify the anger

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when anger comes up within me, I must do something right now to remove this anger from me- instead of realizing the difference between suppression and stopping, where within suppression, I continue to participate in thoughts, experiences, energies and attempt to rid myself of the experiences / transform the energy through doing something physical and leaving it at only that, while stopping is actually stopping within me, the act of stopping me in my patterns of going into anger through directing each and every thought / experience / emotion / energy- and breathing through that which comes up within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself with the emotional energies that surge up within me through believing that this energy is who I am- instead of realizing that the energy I experience is the accumulation of past memory moments

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to anger, in always wanting and giving into the emotional experience of anger and justifying it though attaching all sorts of different emotions, thoughts, past memory moments to the anger itself instead of realizing that anger is just anger, and not who I am as Life, though I become anger when I create a relationship to anger through attaching the emotional experience to something / someone / myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a dependency on (work) through moving within and through emotions and directing myself from emotions instead of stopping the emotional experiences within myself in realizing that I am not inferior to my emotions, I do not give my emotions power to control me, and I am able to walk through this emotional experience through breathe, and let it go

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when and as I see anger surge up within me- “not know what to do” instead of finding the true cause of the emotional reaction to not allow myself to go into and return to the same reaction

When and as I see anger surge up within me- I stop- I do not accept or allow myself to suppress the anger within the belief that I must release this anger through doing something and in that, not look at the real reasons why the anger came up– instead I look at the reason the anger came up and stop returning to the same reaction when the same or similar situation occurs

When and as I see anger come up within me- not accept or allow myself to connect different scenarios, past memory moments, or other emotions to the anger to justify the reaction- instead I breathe, and I breathe through the anger until it has dissipated

I commit myself to, when and as I see anger surge up within me– stop, I do not accept or allow myself to be controlled, directed or influenced by this anger

Image

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 70: Future Projections

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be more than who I am right now, before meeting new people and communicating within the belief and idea that the triggers, patterns, behaviours, and habits in regards to meeting new people and communicating- will no longer exist within me if I wait on it / procrastinate within the excuse that ‘I’m preparing myself’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my thoughts, experiences, behaviours, habits and patterns relating to meeting new people and communicating will somehow, magically disappear when I wait on it / push it further into the future instead of realizing that my thoughts, emotions and experiences in relation to meeting new people and communicating will not stop magically, they will not go away- I have to actually face my resistances to walking the change and decide who I am and who I will be when the thoughts, emotions and experiences emerge within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in imagination in wishing and hoping that how I experience myself within meeting new people and communicating would just stop so that in facing them, it would be so much easier and in this imagining, wishing and hoping- entertain these imaginations and fantasies within my mind in who I would prefer to be and how I would actually like things to be and in this, living within the now of consciousness of past, present and future- accepting and allowing myself to just imagine myself differently than who I am and entertaining such fantasies rather than do what I realise I must do every single time the temptation and urge to fall into the old habits and standing up every time such experiences emerge within me, and in seeing what it is I am required to do- rather participate in imaginations of the mind of how it would be if I wasn’t who I am right now instead of ‘man-ing’ up and doing it despite how my thoughts, emotions and experiences tell me otherwise

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sit in hope and wait for myself to change instead of realizing that I will never change through waiting / procrastinating / pushing it further into the future- that the change I speak of and refer to only exists as self-interest within me in wanting and desiring to experience myself one way over another, so that I can feel comfortable- instead of real change as the constant living application every time a thought, emotion or experience pops up through living within the principle of what is best for all

I commit myself to push through the resistances that come up within me in relation to meeting new people and communicating through no longer accepting and allowing excuses that justify my self-interests

I commit myself to stop within myself the hopes, desires and projections of who I would like to be through seeing myself through the mind and judging me- and do what it is I must do, anyways

I commit myself to stop waiting for myself to change instead of deciding who I am and who I will be according to my acceptances and allowances in every moment

I commit myself to let the fear go of meeting new people and communicating through breathing through such experiences

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 69: Communication and Patience

So in the past week or so I’ve been looking at who I’ve become within and as communication, whether it be explaining to another a point, fear asking a question, communicating a point in either a visual or auditory way- to become more of an effective communicator and expanding my comprehension of what others are communicating with me. After reading another’s blog, I realized through their words and the sharing of their realizations that- I never considered the reason I sometimes have trouble communicating is actually due to always thinking, where the mind moves really fast, like quantum time, and then when it comes to expressing my thoughts and experiences in words- I am not able to convey what it is I enjoy expressing because of the time it takes, and also within that- when another is explaining to me- not having the patience to walk the time it would take to come to an actual understanding. So within this blog today I will be focusing on bringing awareness of who I am when communicating with others and living the word patience, as well as slowing myself down within the mind as that is where the haste and impatience originated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider the word patience within communicating with others in my world, due to my acceptance and allowance of projecting the ’ineffective communication’ I experience onto others through blame- instead of realizing and admitting to myself that I am the one who is experiencing this ineffective communication and so, I created it and thus- I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the ineffective communication I experience while interacting with others instead of bringing the point back to myself to see where and how I can become more effective in communication

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never considered that my participation in the mind affects how I communicate and within this, realise see and understand that I haven’t established effective communication with myself through participating in thoughts where my thoughts are always running and never within that slowing my thoughts down to see and understand what I am actually communicating

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that- when I run around in my mind, jumping from one thought to another, one picture image that holds / represents information like a symbol- to the other, that I am completely separate from the physical into an alternate dimensions where everything moves very fast- and that if I am not able to communicate that which I experience within me in words, where each sentence requires a breath / time to speak, how invalid it becomes / is to think and have conversations within oneself within the mind due to not being able to effectively communicate with others in my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become impatient with myself and with others in communicating instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have become used to and accustomed to the speed at which my mind moves and instead, I commit myself to slow myself down, take on one point at a time within me and investigate and understand what it is I experience, to place that into words and in that live self- patience within me, and also I commit myself to be aware of myself when speaking and communicating with others in being patient with me and the other to take the necessary time to understand what they are saying and enjoying communicating

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become impatient with others when they are speaking and in that, allow reactions and backchat to come up within me when I perceive the other as not communicating effectively due to being too slow and within this- become impatient through waiting for the other person to finish what they were saying so that I can jump in and ask specific questions, totally dismissing what the other had just said- instead of being patient, here and breathing while another is communicating and participating within communicating as actually hearing what the other has to say

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self interest within and as communicating with others wherein I am only interested with my side of the communication instead of letting go of that which I am only interested in to support the self definitions within myself, to hear and allow myself to hear unconditionally

I commit myself to slow down within me while communicating with others in my world in being patient with me while explaining to others what it is I enjoy expressing through breathing and physically grounding myself

I commit myself to live self patience through slowing myself down within the mind when it is I become of myself racing in thoughts and experiences

I commit myself to live patience with others in my world through taking the necessary time to come to an understanding of what it is another is expressing to me through breathing, grounding myself here and allowing myself to hear unconditionally

I commit myself to stop going into an alternate mind dimension while speaking with others through participating and living here

I commit myself to stop blaming others for the ineffective communication I experience within me through realizing that the ineffective communication I experience is due to me participating in the mind and thus, bring myself back here instead

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 68: Writing, Discernment and Manipulation SF

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat in regards to writing, where I separate myself from me and writing through participating in a polarity manifestation of obligation / morality wherein I manipulate myself through wanting and creating myself to feel good when I’ve written something or written something ‘good’ and also avoiding and creating myself to feel bad when I deem my writing as ‘not good enough’ or when I hadn’t written that day- to transform writing as a tool for self support in deciding who I am- into ego, whereby changing and shifting myself to bring about positive experiences within me through discerning within the mind what is ‘important’ to write about and what is not as the thoughts and experiences I face day to day and from here writing only that which I see as important – not seeing, realizing or understanding how the mind utilizes manipulation as a backdoor to escape from self-responsibility through choosing what I will be one with and equal to- separating myself from writing, myself and the point at hand- and instead I commit myself to bring everything I exist of and as and redefine my relationship with myself to ensure I am aligned within the principle of oneness and equality and what is best for all- which isn’t a choice as I cannot choose what I will be one with and equal to as I realize the seemingly insignificant moments play an equally significant role in the creation of who we are and this world as a whole

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deem some thoughts / experiences / emotions more important than others according to its prevalence instead of realizing that I have separated myself from such points and through not addressing such seemingly insignificant moments- allow myself to continue that which I see is not acceptable and implying through non-action that it’s OK and I will continue participating instead of considering and expanding my understanding in how such moments build upon themselves like a construct where, if I am to continue to ‘put it off’ I create for myself consequences to see what I have accepted and allowed due to me not accepting and allowing myself to be one with and equal to the point and instead I commit myself to stop separating myself from me and writing through perceiving my experiences as more prevalent and more important than others and realize the actual significance of such moments and who I am within them

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize, see and understand that in separating myself from what I will write about and what I won’t according to its apparent importance and prevalence in my life is actually self-interest in that I will utilize discernment as apparent choice in what I will accept myself one and equal to and what I wont according to my liking which support my self definitions of me within the mind and instead I commit myself to face All of me, starting with the smaller parts and them moving on to the bigger and also as I see and realize that if I am to face these points I put off within myself- that I will have to change and will take self-responsibility for me and thus, I commit myself to face that which I deem as unimportant, simple and insignificant to no longer accept and allow choice to support the definitions of me within the mind

Image

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Day 67: Fear of hearing No: Haste and Consequence

 

This blog is a continuation from :

https://sallyclairewiseman.wordpress.com/2013/10/12/day-66-fear-of-the-word-no-reactions/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the habit and addiction I’ve created in connecting positive emotional experiences to researching, purchasing, caring for and collecting cacti- as silly, to not have to face within myself the amount of energy in space / time I devote to diverting my attention towards cacti / my experiences – and in this ‘downplaying’ of my participation in thoughts, emotions, experiences and physical habit in space / time- feel ashamed in not wanting to admit to myself that I have allowed this addiction to plants to ‘take over’ instead of realizing that, within seeing and being aware of the habits / participation in thoughts and energy – I am actually blaming the cacti! Through making the statement that ‘oh this is too silly to even look at’ — but it’s not about the plants themselves, it’s about me and who I am in relationship to plants which I’ve separated myself from, to continue to divert my attention, time and energy to ‘positive highs’ within my mind to not have to face that which I have deemed ‘negative’ / ‘boring’ about myself and my life instead of taking a step back to see: that I am feeding the mind with energy within the perception that my life is boring, through identifying myself in believing this thought is who I am when it is not- it is the mind

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become angry, upset and disappointed with me for having participated in mind possession of and as haste within the preparing / taking care of the agaves (cacti), where instead of moving practically within space and time in considering all dimensions in doing the research in how to effectively propagate the agave- I allowed myself to run around in my mind and miss a crucial detail that would prevent the roots from rotting, and in having missed it- did the opposite which could potentially harm / kill the plant and its offspring- instead of realizing that I never actually cared about the plant, that my feeling bad, upset and disappointed is a defence mechanism I utilize to make myself feel better about compromising the plant’s health within the belief that I care, instead of actually caring as a living application as caregiver / custodian that ensures the plants health through informing and educating myself effectively to give to the plant what it needs and requires to live and accepting myself one and equal to the plant

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as more than the plants and the plants less than me, through ’objectifying’ the plants to generate within me all kinds of special feelings in caring for, researching and purchasing new plants as I derive within myself pleasure in perceiving the plant as ornamental, something I decorate my ego with in having the plants in my home and ’caring’ for them- where ‘care’ becomes harm when defined within and through the mind, as ego, in wanting to care and help another that apparently needs me- and in that only considering I / Self / Me. Instead I commit myself to stand one and equal to plants through remaining here and focused on my breath and apply patience in living application in slowing down in stopping thoughts, emotions experiences and applying self forgiveness and self correction

 

I commit myself to effectively inform and educate myself on taking care of the cacti to ensure it’s health

 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself wanting to ‘care for’ the plants I stop as I realize that in wanting to ‘care for’ something from the starting point as ego, the consequence within this application of ‘care’ is not Care as it is only the recognition of my ego in wanting to be more, feel special, and a way in which I divert my attention from being here and breathing- and I instead bring myself back here, and care for myself first in ensuring that I am not participating in the mind that create consequences within the physical body and of other living beings such as the cacti

 

I commit myself to stop feeding the mind with positive emotional energies in relation to cacti and ensure that while working, educating myself, and supporting the cacti that I am here and breathing- that I learn from the cacti in relation to growth and movement in how it is very slow- where I can apply the same application with myself in slowing myself down and being patient with me

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment