Day 72: Revisiting Self-Victimization

In this blog I will be going back and expanding on my self forgiveness statements from an earlier blog here:

https://sallyclairewiseman.wordpress.com/2013/09/25/day-56-self-victimization-sf/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the egotistical, self-righteous position towards (corporation) due to stating and believing within myself that their decisions were morally wrong in what led up to my eventual lay off- and that I am right and morally superior simply because I see the actions taken by (corporation) that led to my eventual lay off and judging the decisions as ‘bad’ / ‘wrong’ , and thus myself the opposite as ‘good’ / ‘right’- instead of seeing my own self dishonesty reflected by my anger which I created, exerted and blamed on (corporation)- for ‘acting in self-interest‘- Instead of realizing within myself the extent to which I’ve placed my self-interests before the whole and those around me throughout my life- through participating in trivial conflicts, such as my experience with being laid-off, in only considering myself and my experiences and thus my reaction proving I am one with and equal to (corporation), that which I’ve separated myself from

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the self victimization I utilize to keep me in a position of dependency within my world and within my mind- already existed before being laid off and thus the reactive emotional experiences that surge up within me towards the situations and events is actually an opportunity the mind had utilized to regenerate energy for itself to continue its existence- where the thoughts that had popped up within me I identified myself with, agreed with and reacted towards- only existed to have me catch the bait, react, and confirm the powerlessness and victimization I accepted within me, within my mind towards the monetary system in separation of me- when in actuality I had only victimized and further confirmed my dependency on the mind within myself so to keep me enslaved to the mind and the monetary system and not stand up, take the initiative and put in the effort to support me financially

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become ‘stuck’ in comparing my position within the monetary system towards the position of others in worrying about ‘unfairness’ within it- considering my reaction to ‘unfairness’ as more than the affects and consequences of my behaviour, thoughts, internal conversation, the affect of energy has on the body, on the relationships I have with others, that which I support within this system as a whole that I have separated myself from through giving my power away through the exertion of anger- instead of looking beyond my own self interests when and as I see within myself thoughts pop up in relation to anger, ‘unfairness’, comparison and paranoia and take self responsibility for me in who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and decide within myself when such thoughts, emotions and experiences pop up again- that I no longer accept or allow myself to abdicate my self-responsibility of me through participation in anger, ‘unfairness’ / emotions, comparison, judgment and paranoia- I breathe, apply self forgiveness and self correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the anger within me I created through judging myself as being right and that which I’ve separated myself from as wrong instead of taking responsibility for me in realizing I created this anger through my participation in thoughts, internal conversations and backchat and thus wholly responsible for this anger, my position and status within where I am and who I have become as I already existed within the patterns of habitual behaviours in blame and thus, I commit myself to stop the habitual behaviours and patterns of blame and anger through realizing I already existed as that which I blame, that anger gets me nowhere but with even more anger, irritation and resentment and thus- Instead I will myself to take responsibility for me in standing up within myself to no longer accept or allow anything less than who I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react and participate in anger through taking my lay off personally through blaming my reactions and experiences towards (corporation) instead of expanding my awareness in realizing it’s not about me- there were so many different dimensions within the decisions that lead to my eventual lay off- that if (corporation) had taken the necessary steps to follow their contractual agreements, I wouldn’t of had the opportunity to work for (corporation) in the first place and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame how I experience myself towards (corporation) through only filtering my perception in only seeing the events that had played out according to my own interests that benefit myself only and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with the current status, position and experience of myself in my life- blaming everything and everyone else around me, outside of me instead of me standing up within myself and directing myself if I am simply not satisfied with and where I am and what I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that my position, status and relationship towards (corporation) is unfair- and to think and believe that to be angry with and towards (corporation) in separation of me is making the statement that I do not accept its existence- when actually it’s the direct opposite- in that, through exerting, lashing out and being angry with or towards (corporation) and its actions in separation of me- is a statement of blame and thus I give (corporation) and their decisions – power to exist and I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing the very existence of a system within which workers are disposable if I accept and allow the existence of mind- and thus I commit myself to stand up within and as me to not longer accept and allow my mind to control, direct and disempower me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exert my anger towards everything and everyone around me for being called back to work for (corporation) as a part time employee, due to me participating in thoughts and paranoia within the belief that if (corporation) requires more workers, that they should be recalling those that have been laid off instead of hiring new part timers to fill those positions and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing paranoia surrounding (corporation) and its decisions through and within the belief that I am always, somehow being fucked over by this corporation- instead of realizing the fact that I am essentially ‘fucking myself over’ through participating in paranoia, following and believing in my thoughts, constantly regenerating within me the mind that removes me from reality into a small confined limited space instead I commit myself to stop within me the paranoia in relation to (corporation) through stopping my thoughts, not accepting or allowing myself to follow and believe my thoughts and direct my focus, attention and energy on finding solutions and walking the corrections to become a self-responsible person in this world

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