Day 70: Future Projections

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be more than who I am right now, before meeting new people and communicating within the belief and idea that the triggers, patterns, behaviours, and habits in regards to meeting new people and communicating- will no longer exist within me if I wait on it / procrastinate within the excuse that ‘I’m preparing myself’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my thoughts, experiences, behaviours, habits and patterns relating to meeting new people and communicating will somehow, magically disappear when I wait on it / push it further into the future instead of realizing that my thoughts, emotions and experiences in relation to meeting new people and communicating will not stop magically, they will not go away- I have to actually face my resistances to walking the change and decide who I am and who I will be when the thoughts, emotions and experiences emerge within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in imagination in wishing and hoping that how I experience myself within meeting new people and communicating would just stop so that in facing them, it would be so much easier and in this imagining, wishing and hoping- entertain these imaginations and fantasies within my mind in who I would prefer to be and how I would actually like things to be and in this, living within the now of consciousness of past, present and future- accepting and allowing myself to just imagine myself differently than who I am and entertaining such fantasies rather than do what I realise I must do every single time the temptation and urge to fall into the old habits and standing up every time such experiences emerge within me, and in seeing what it is I am required to do- rather participate in imaginations of the mind of how it would be if I wasn’t who I am right now instead of ‘man-ing’ up and doing it despite how my thoughts, emotions and experiences tell me otherwise

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sit in hope and wait for myself to change instead of realizing that I will never change through waiting / procrastinating / pushing it further into the future- that the change I speak of and refer to only exists as self-interest within me in wanting and desiring to experience myself one way over another, so that I can feel comfortable- instead of real change as the constant living application every time a thought, emotion or experience pops up through living within the principle of what is best for all

I commit myself to push through the resistances that come up within me in relation to meeting new people and communicating through no longer accepting and allowing excuses that justify my self-interests

I commit myself to stop within myself the hopes, desires and projections of who I would like to be through seeing myself through the mind and judging me- and do what it is I must do, anyways

I commit myself to stop waiting for myself to change instead of deciding who I am and who I will be according to my acceptances and allowances in every moment

I commit myself to let the fear go of meeting new people and communicating through breathing through such experiences

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