Day 62: Communication SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when asking another (x) to do something for me- immediately recall within myself a past memory moment of when x was sharing a story about how a woman had asked x to do something and x explaining to the woman that it was not possible- which turned into an argument, and while x told me this story- me seeing within x reactions while speaking about this particular event, where I accepted within myself an impression of the woman as being ’difficult’ / ’picky’ / ’argumentative’ / not an authority to speak of the subject as the woman did not have education within which she was arguing about whereas x did and judging within me the woman, not seeing realizing or understanding my own responsibility of me in that moment where it inevitably came back up for me to sort out direct and face, but instead I accepted and allowed myself to, within recalling the memory and acting on it while asking x to do something for me- confirm within myself my acceptance and allowance of gossip, as I had within that moment allowed x to speak of this woman within the nature of blame, and though I had seen this- not said anything of assistance or support for x to see what x was accepting and allowing within that moment and thus, accepted and allowed within me through my participation in suppressing myself, gossiped about this woman- due to me fearing what this woman represent as how I see myself within her and the conflict that would ensue if I were to voice myself as my secret thoughts in relation to ‘how things work’ in the face of authority which I defined as having education and physical experience- and experience within myself not wanting to be in this woman’s shoes as having x go to other people in x’s world and speaking to them about the womans ‘arrogance’, how she is wrong / mistaken and the one at fault within it all- which I identified and agreed with in that moment, and instead of letting the past memory moment go and ask a genuine question I had if this something was possible and allowing myself to ask in a way that I understand it- that may have to have been repeated a few times or re-worded with vocabulary I understand equally the question, and in that giving myself self-worth through being patient with me that I will eventually come to an understanding, instead of taking on a personality of inferiority and ‘give up’ on understanding before I had even given myself the opportunity to see how it works and if it is possible due to me also not wanting to give up the power I derive within myself in taking on the stance of superiority towards the woman through judgement- accepted and allowed myself to compromise me, my understanding and communication, x’s understanding of what it was I was attempting to ask and what I would like x do to, through expressing myself one and equal to x instead of accessing inferiority/superiority definitions within myself- as I see realize and understand how the simple act of expressing and communicating within and as oneness and equality builds effective communication, communication skills, and prevents unnecessary reactions for everyone involved and thus,

I commit myself to investigate what the woman represented about me that I exist in fear towards as accepting myself one and equal to that which is revealed and shown through my participation in gossip, superiority and fear

I commit myself to investigate the gossip construct within myself in how I have accepted and allowed myself to be one with and equal to gossip and apply self forgiveness and self correction to ensure I no longer accept gossip within me and others

I commit myself to, when speaking with others in my world, clear myself of all past memory moments and self definitions before I speak to ensure that I speak within oneness and equality to ensure I am communicating and understanding as the other is communicating and understanding me equally

I commit myself to investigate how I have created this point of ineffective communication with others as I see that I have allowed myself to fear questioning things I don’t understand, apply self forgiveness and self correction to build effective communication skills with others in my world that will prevent unnecessary reactions, consequences and compromise of myself and those I communicate with

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