Day 60: Taking Reactions Personally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take another’s expression towards me personally as though I am completely, absolutely and entirely responsible for another’s words, behaviour, presentation and vocalization towards me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within nervousness, anxiety, petrifaction, stress and reactions when amongst others in my world, within and through the belief that I am wholly responsible for another’s physical presentation and vocalization towards me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe, perceive, and presume that when another reacts to me in conversation- that it is because of me, relating to me, that I did something or said something that is the cause of their reaction while being natural in my expression, simply because I can observe changes in another’s expression through being in direct contact and presence with another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to internalize within myself such moments of interaction, wherein I constantly and continuously roll around in my mind all possible gestures/words spoken by me, that would be the cause for the other’s change in presentation, behaviour and vocalization- and in this, constantly haunt myself of past memory moments of where and how, apparently, I did or said something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, after internalizing conversations/interactions with others in believing, perceiving and presuming that I am directly responsible for another’s change in behaviour, presentation and vocalization- design within myself, in thought and imagination of how I would do things differently and in that- change who I am as personality when interacting and conversing with that person in the future, and all other relationships I have with people in my world in an attempt to control who I am and what I experience within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately look for any subtle changes in another’s words or behaviours to find anything that I would be responsible for, the movement of the eyes, eye contact, hand gestures, stance, voice tonality, smiles, attention- and accessing within myself any thought that pop up that generate the best answer as to the meaning of such change in behaviour and voice tonality, relating to me- as the cause, completely assuming what the other is thinking and experiencing within themselves

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize or understand that it is not the entirety of myself that is wholly responsible for how other people react within their minds, external and what they accept and allow within themselves as triggers within the mind- I become in a moment an unconscious external trigger point which trigger their memories and past experiences in how they’ve come across similar or the same situation, events, words and behaviours

I commit myself to quiet the mind while interacting with others to no longer accept or allow myself to victimize myself, as I see, realize and understand that it is not wholly and entirely my responsibility for the reactions I trigger within others, as it is their memories and past experiences that I represent for them in a moment- and instead when I see a change in another, I stop, I do not accept or allow myself to react to another’s reaction

I commit myself to, when and as I am aware that I amd zooming in on and magnifying another’s expression towards me in interaction- stop, I do not accept or allow myself to assume, interpret and believe that which come up within me towards another’s expression as I realize I will never know

I commit myself to breathe while communicating and interacting with others to remain here and present with another in physical reality

contemplate

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