Day 58: Self-Victimization within Education SF

This blog is a continuation from:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my education as the reason I refuse to give up and let go of the power I derive within myself in limiting, avoiding and hiding from specific social interactions with others, through blaming my personal character as who I am within and towards others as lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, which apparently prevent me from being successful in my job hunts- on my education within the system wherein I’ve connected who I am and who I will be  as personality within communicating and interacting with others in my job hunt- to memories and layered experiences of being rejected by my peers in school, where I’ve created within myself the fear of being vulnerable in interacting with others I don’t know and in this, attempt to avoid situations or events of meeting new people to keep my power within me which I derive from avoidance, postponement and ‘not doing’- as I have already within myself defined me as inferior and the other ‘authority’ due to me wanting and needing a job from another and perceiving the other as holding the power over me, where I experience myself not wanting to validate and confirm within myself my own inferiority and lack of personal power through accessing a specific personality suite of being ‘likable’, ‘pleasant’ and ‘happy’ to manipulate myself and others to get the job- as I have already existed within the idea and belief that I am not likeable and therefore, won’t get a job because apparently, people give jobs to people they like and in taking on this personality suite of ‘sensitivity’ / ’vulnerability’ / ‘weakness’ not seeing, realizing or understanding that I have already rejected myself, that me not wanting to go into a personality suite I already created within myself in such situations or events and masking the whole experience as me not wanting to be ‘fake’ and put on a show- is actually a power game I play within myself with others in my world wherein I always position myself where I will ‘win’- instead of seeing, realizing and understand the extent to which I’ve sabotaged myself and everyone around me one and equal, that I have utilized self-victimization to remain in a power position within me towards others, and abdicating my responsibility for my education and character building through blaming my past education for who I am today and what I am willing and not willing to do- face new situations, events, people and accept myself one and equal to others- and give up before I have even started through projecting all I have stated into the future instead of realizing seeing and understanding that it doesn’t have to be this way and that I am able to perfect my character  to one that has integrity, self-esteem, self-confidence and self acceptance through my education in aligning myself within the principle of what is best for all through self forgiveness and self correction

I commit myself to stop blaming who I am on memories of when my peers rejected me for having a lack of self-confidence and self esteem as I realize through investigating such memory moments the opportunity within each moment to take self responsibility, but that I had given away through participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and experiences- and bring back each memory moment within myself here and self forgive myself for giving my power away to the mind and correct myself to ensure I no longer accept or allow myself to be influenced by past memory moments and live those corrections when entering/facing the same or similar events

I commit myself to stop any fear that comes up within me in relation social interactions with others as I realise, see and understand that if I am to follow those thoughts, emotions and experiences I am projecting myself into the future, that through participating in such thoughts, emotions and reactions I am accessing a specific personality as who I will be in such a scenario in the future and instead, I commit myself to stop, bring myself here and walk what is require by me to ensure my financial future and personal character building within oneness and equality

I commit myself to take responsibility for my education and character building through investigating my education and re-aligning me to stop within myself the power games of inferiority/superiority and accept myself as one and equal to others through walking the process of self- forgiveness and self correction

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