This blog is a continuation from:
Day 52: Anxiety, Day 53: Thoughts as Distractions, Day 54: Wanting to help others with Their Problems SF
“I commit myself to… remove all points I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself”
The reason why I was unable to direct a conversation I had with someone in my world a few days ago was because I was accepting and allowing the very same point of self-victimization when it comes to my relationship towards money. Last April I was laid off work and I’ve been living off EI for the past few months. The majority of jobs offered in my search are minimum wage, and the jobs that do pay a more liveable wage requires some form of education, which I don’t have. I thought that it would be quite simple to find another job in manufacturing, since I have experience with a highly reputable company and factory, and because I have experience all over the shop with different tools, machines and jobs. Though, for the positions I’ve applied for at assembly line factories, my application was not considered. And although assembly line work is not the best job, as it is highly repetitive and physically straining on the body- it appeals to me because I only have to put in my hours and go home. There is no initiative, there exist no motivation, and there exist no opportunity- I don’t have to do anything but ensure the quality of the simple 1 minute jobs for 8 hours. In this I’ve defined comfort and a safe place– in comparison to working in customer service/sales because in customer service/sales- the transference of money is dependent on communication and interaction with others. The comfort and feeling safe in doing assembly like jobs exist only in my mind- because obviously it doesn’t provide any job security- not that I was an ‘actual employee’ in the first place as many corporations are attempting to implement a two-tier labour force which means, they can cut the wages of new hires, label them ‘contract’ and give no benefits/pension- which was my position within the company. That’s changed since I left, though even still, it’s a contract to contract deal, 4 years to the next with many different economical factors that play a role in the manufacturing sector noticeably for me in Ontario as the value of our currency is not doing it any favour. Times are changing- I suggest to parents who may possibly read this blog to ensure your child’s education, proper education in vocabulary that will build self confidence and self-esteem because even jobs today are becoming more and more competitive. An effective personal character cannot be taken away from you.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist investigating the self-victimization character I have become as I realize, see and understand that self-victimization exist only in self interest as manipulation to shift self responsibility of me towards situations/events/others- and that if I am to let go of self-victimization I change who I am and align myself within self responsibility and the principle of what is best for all and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prepare and align all of the physical tools of walking a correction/action/change and leave me behind, as a justification to not have to actually face, walk and direct myself one and equal as the physical steps I take
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the excuse that because I am aligning all of the physical points and tools that will support me in walking the correction/action/change- making the statement within myself that I am apparently doing something- I can postpone actually following through to completion the very correction, action and change that is required by me one and equal
Self Forgiveness and Correction continued in my next blog