Day 19: What are you talking about?

Fear of Speaking up

I’d like to write about the fear of drawing attention to my words, the fear of others reading my writing and I’d first like to say thanks for reading.
I see that it is important to be visible in this process and to make an effort to put my blogs ‘out there’. I will choose titles that I know are boring or not attention grabbing so to not draw too much attention to my words, and I won’t add in any writing even though I enjoy myself reading the writing of my fellow destonian’s, what they are walking through and the insights they share. I realise that by only doing the self-forgiveness and self-correction in my blogs with short titles, I am doing the very minimum that I could do, but if I was in a position where I had not yet been exposed to the process of writing, self forgiveness and self correction- I would want to be and I would want an example of how to do it.

I am not saying that because I do not include writing or interesting titles that that is dishonest… I am simply looking at the reasons behind why I am deliberately resisting that point and sorting it out.

When I looked at this point of fear and where it came from the first memory that popped up into my mind was when I was a kid in a group of adults where they would say to me ‘go and play now the grown ups are talking’. I often felt like I had nothing important or relevant to say. Many children are suppressed this way as us Adults often feel, even embarrassed that our children are speaking to adults- which I see sometimes with my neighbour children and their parents like: ‘stop talking to Sally now she’s has other things she wants to do’- even though I enjoy talking to them. The mother reflects that there are actually other things she would rather do than to sit down and listen to a child if she were in my position.

Now here I am not blaming the parent, as the parent is only doing what was done unto them and taught to them of how things operate when they were a child.

I found as a child that I had to start parrot-living, taking the knowledge and information that was shared with me and the opinions of my elders and mirror that same opinion to feel important and to feel like what I say has value. I separated myself from the words importance, value and relevance through defining the words within knowledge, information and opinions- separate from me. So the only time I experienced myself as being value, importance or relevance was through parrot-living knowledge and information instead of valuing myself and redefining the words in living principles that will ensure a dignified life for all.

But I mean, what does this reflect about the parents because the child is the reflection of their parents. Are they talking about anything of actual importance or value? No, we’re not because our world is fucked up, billions of people starve everyday animals are slaughtered we are raping our environment and here we have our Adults of today talking about irrelevant shit like celebrities and so forth- its really fucked up. What we end up becoming is apathetic towards the suffering of others, and we are only concerned with making ourselves feel good and developing and evolving our own personalities in opinions that will ensure that we win and we have the experiences that we want in spite of reality. And those who do stand up and speak up are often ostracized, especially within the family.

We can change this when we start redefining what is actually important and relevant in the physical and live those corrections into reality but it all starts with the process of writing, self forgiveness and practical application check out DIP Lite

Self Forgiveness to follow

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