Day 11: Guilt

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone and procrastinate walking a correction to make a change within myself so that I do not re-enact the same pattern of lashing out in anger through participating in guilt

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sleep so that I do not have to face this experience of guilt and in that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility of applying a correction to make a change

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad for my actions and wallow in guilt instead of immediately seeing how I created the event and direct myself to make a structural change to ensure the pattern does not repeat itself

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself that I take pleasure in getting an emotional rise from others and the conflict that ensues

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the self dishonesty of the ’guilt character’ that I have created to step into when my secret mind pleasures are exposed for all to see and when those secret pleasures I partake in are ’wrong’ according to the morality system I adopted from my peers, family, friends and culture- because it is only when I am exposed within a point of consequence that I feel bad. I realize that ‘feeling bad’ isn’t real because I only experience it after the event had taken place and not while I was partaking

 

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that guilt is a pre-programmed design to remain in the patterns that create consequence because instead of stopping, self reflecting on my position and doing the math to see what my actions will accumulate and if that accumulation is based on what is best for all- I go into the emotional experience of feeling guilty to protect myself from the wrath of others. I show others how I am punishing myself as a form of religious repentance for what I had done and in that hope that others will be ’easy’ on me because I am showing them I recognize I have done something ’wrong’ and that I am ‘sorry’ so that I can be accepted back into the group. In that, there is no self reflection, self correction or self direction and thus tacitly imply that what I have done is acceptable because I leave the door open to walk into the same pattern.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as ‘bad’ through utilizing knowledge and information I’ve gathered throughout my life that form my reference point of ‘moral standards’ I abide to when I have acted out/not acted where I am my on judge of ‘good/bad’ and punish myself accordingly instead of looking at the situation directly

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am a good person because I care enough about other peoples feelings to punish myself through guilt, instead of seeing that I am using feeling guilty and self punishment as a form of self manipulation so that I do not have to see myself as a bad person or in a negative way.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to apply the realization that guilt is a form of self-deception that I use to make myself believe I care for others when in fact I am actually afraid of getting into trouble or losing something that I apparently own

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