I realise that I have programmed myself to, when a thought of fear pops up within my mind, immediately accept and believe that fear to be valid and from here go into the worst possible scenario in my mind in relation to the thought. I realise that in all cases that I have walked through where I have gone into this specific pattern the outcome never looks as how I had conjured it and I had blown the situation completely out of proportion. I realise that when I give into fear my mind takes those specific points and drastically disproportions its relevance to reality and I end up realizing after an event had taken place that I had been in a sense ‘used’ because I became really upset, created a whole bunch of energy surrounding the point and it turns out to be nothing at all. I realise that my fear of not being called back to work because I was late the other day is irrational because I end up spending energy on a point I cannot control. I commit myself to stop this pattern of thought through bringing myself back to reality instead of playing the horror movie in my mind and later realise it was for nothing.
I realize that I am suppressing myself every moment a thought enters my mind without my direction. In having no direction with my own thoughts I give my mind loose reins to tell me how I feel, what to think, what to love/hate/fear without understanding where the thoughts are coming from and how they are influencing my life without my participation. I realise that I am able to stop suppressing myself when a thought enters my mind through establishing who I am in the moment by making a statement of what I will allow and what I will not within the principle of what is best for all. I commit myself to in awareness of my thoughts see how thoughts of ‘being late’ and ‘not having to do something’ are choices that I make instead of living and participating here.
I realise that imagining myself in scenarios where I face an authoritative figure and attempt to ‘make things better’ and make myself feel better by knowing that, if the situation were to come up I’d know what to say- is actually arrogance. Placing myself in an imaginary scenarios where I always win, where i try to get what I want, to serve my self interest and protect my ego is arrogance because there is no self responsibility. I commit myself to stop imagining myself in scenarios where I try to get out of my responsibilities and if I am able to in that moment apply a correction and be done with it until another moment arises as an opportunity.