I realize that when fear pops up within my mind I have programmed myself to immediately rationalize the situation to remain in control, and when I follow the pattern of fear à rationalization I never give myself the opportunity to reflect on myself and question the fear and why it came up. I commit myself to re-programme myself to always, when a fear come up, bring it back to myself to see where I haven’t allowed myself to direct me
I realize that if I am late for work, for instance, that there are other areas in my life where I am not directing myself. I see that I have to go into and look at the previous days/weeks/month to see what I have allowed myself to accumulate before I slept in. In this case, I realize that I had not applied myself in a moment where I had to opportunity to stop the anger come up within me when I had to change the tires on my car which took longer than I had expected, and despite writing about this point I allowed myself to participate in this anger. I commit myself to continue applying writing, self forgiveness and corrective application on the ‘time’ point to become more effective with my time because the anger is actually caused by me wasting the time I do have to myself on things I find irrelevant. I commit myself to do what is on my list of things to do that I have procrastinated on to a point where I no longer feel resistance. I commit myself to live integrity.
I realize that when I define my value according to work, how I am apparently treated at work, how I am apparently valued at work- my value is dependant on that outside separate source to tell me if I am valued or not instead of me defining value within myself through stopping the separation of value in outside separate sources. I realize that I separate value from myself into outside separate sources so that I can abdicate my responsibility when a moment like being late for work arise- so I am able to blame work instead of reflecting back on me. I commit myself to stop separating value into work/outside separate sources to take responsibility for myself. I commit myself to become more effective with my time so that I do not use work as a scapegoat.
I realize that the situation at work, where EMC workers are replacing us Supplemental Workforce Employees is not a personal point and does not mean that I am not a ’good worker’ or that I am more or less valuable. I commit myself to apply my best effort at work.
I realise that being laid off is a reality that I have to prepare for so that I have enough money to get by, and that me only fearing that point is not going to benefit me because in that fear I remain stagnant and wait for it to happen. I commit myself to research different options that are available to me like university and other job opportunities.