exposing myself

Last night I did a lot of reading of blogs people posted, fear of being equal, honest sharing as abuse, and vulnerability is the ability to be open.

I made a huge mistake with my post go-sipping. Im exposing myself here as a threat to the group because I did not actually apply myself in stopping my thoughts. I did not stand one and equal as the group in applying corrective application. I put myself and what I wanted before what is best for all, the group and an equal money system- I cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to immediately stop the thoughts towards others in my world as soon as it is realized

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings in spite of myself and the whole

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop myself and correct myself and instead of applying the tools in self honesty in the moment, wait

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my opportunity to apply the tools

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in a solution without actual physical change instead of realizing that the solution for this world is change through self repsonsibility, considering all points of existence and standing up and stopping the backchat

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto power and superiority at all cost. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the perceived power i have over others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing one and equal with all beings here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being vulnerable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want power over another, the very same point that exist within this world as war, rape and murder.

i sit here now crying because I see what I have done, what I have became and supported. I actually have to walk with other beings in my life without fear, without backchat- and its not even that I fear other people its that I fear losing the fear of others! The fear of being vulnerable and open is actually what create this world as it is, as who I have become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the fear I have of others

I do not accept or allow myself to fear other human beings in my world. I realise that I have to stand one and equal as every being to bring about change within myself and this world. Instead when the fear of others come up- I STOP, I BREATHE, I do not accept or allow fear to dictate to me who I am or who I should be, I direct myself in the moment to move myself past the fear by facing that fear in the face

I do not accept or allow myself to fear writing as a form of freeflow, without structure or articulation. I realise I only fear my own fear. Trigger: thought, “im scared of writing free flow”, “I fear what exist within me at this moment”, “I fear my writing is not good enough”, I stop, I take a deep breath, and continue writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself and the group

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