Earlier today I started writing and the what came up was : (quote/unquote) the system sees itself as perfect, and thus will look for one flaw to allow itself to continue its dishonest existence. Now that may not be what the sentence was exactly but that is how I remember it.
I am exposing myself as predator. What is a predator? A predator is one that blends in with the scenery, going unnoticed, unheard, until… ATTACK- it pounces on the weakest link. One of the first replies that I got after joining the desteni forum almost 4 years ago now, was that quote above. The reason is, I was fault finding in others, pointing out others, bullying and projecting superiority towards them because I saw them as a weak link.
Now I know, that whenever I have any judgmental thought come up within me- I am the predator- because in my mind I find faults in others and think the words: you should do this or some other form of knowledge and information, not ever considering that this person is reflecting me back to me. And all the while I am aware of this point, because I will never speak the words aloud, because I know I am in no position or have no right to say because I haven’t applied myself… And I just leave it at that.
An early childhood memory that came up is: My mother asking me to do some chores as it was part of my responsibility. I saw that one of my siblings was not doing their chores, or has a lesser amount, I would then Point The Finger and say, BUT he/she isn’t doing anything! And that is how I would manipulate the situation in an attempt to avoid my own responsibilities. It is so fucked up, because till this day I still throw these little tantrums within myself as judgmental thoughts towards others- NO MORE. This is the excuse I hear others speak about an Equal Money System, like: I don’t want to get paid the same as some lazy person (which reflect they haven’t investigated the material in any way though they claim they do). Here is a point I can reflect back onto myself- studying the equal money system material.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find faults in others as judgmental thoughts of how they should do this or that/knowledge and information- Instead of immediately stopping myself and reflecting the exact same point back to myself and act accordingly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pictures within my mind of others to exist as a trigger point within me, that trigger judgmental thoughts of what they should be doing as only knowledge and information
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pictures of others to exist within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing judgmental thoughts of how others should act/what to do to exist within and as me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find faults in others and then within my mind project superiority towards them as suggestions of what to do/what to work on, but never speaking those words aloud because then I would have to apply myself- NO- Instead I immediately write down/take note of the suggestion and take my own advice
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into believing that I am actually supporting another through having thoughts of suggestions and considerations instead of realising that when I accept or allow myself to participate in thoughts of suggestions and considerations that I am not able to speak because I haven’t applied them myself- I have become a bully
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into superiority while in the presence of others in how I speak/how I write/Who I am within writing and speaking- Instead of accepting myself, not accepting or allowing myself to separate myself from others and allow myself to be intimate and gentle
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into my mind while speaking/typing when I know I will be sharing myself instead of dropping the veil and expose myself to then correct me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to remain enslaved to my knowledge and information, the knowledge and information that I apparently possess that actually possess me- instead of applying myself in living, expressing and standing up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide in knowledge and information
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find faults within others to allow myself to continue my own dishonesty as abdicating responsibility- Instead of simply taking responsibility for me in the moment as what I see, what others show/reflect/reveal of me to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately look for the weakest link to then pounce and attack as thoughts within my mind instead of accepting myself as one and equal with the person I am projecting towards
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide in shame of who I am as remaining quiet, unheard and invisible in the awareness of myself as not applying myself instead I push myself to write/speak, forgive and correct in living application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the awareness of myself of not applying myself to be ignored, suppressed and hidden within myself instead when the awareness of me as not applying myself comes up I immediately see this as an opportunity to physically act
I allow myself to study the equal money system material
I do not accept or allow myself to participate in finding faults within others as projected superiority, I realise that who I am projecting myself towards is in fact me, I am one and equal to that which I project myself towards- and Instead I immediately I stop, I breath- I reflect the exact same point back to me and correct myself
I allow myself to take note/write down suggestions that come up within me towards others and take my own advice
I do not accept or allow myself to think of suggestions or considerations towards others, I realise I do this because I haven’t applied the same point I am seeing Instead I stop, I breathe- I bring myself back here in the physical
I accept myself as one and equal to that which I project myself towards- What I see is me one and equal
I do not accept or allow myself to go into superiority/ inferiority in the presence of others and what I know I will share myself in writing/speaking, I realise that in this I separate myself and am not taking responsibility for me, Instead I allow myself to be self intimate and gentle
I do not accept or allow thoughts of others to flash by in a moment, I stop, I forgive, I speak the word Delete
I do not accept or allow knowledge and information to possess me, instead I live, express and stand up
I do not accept or allow myself to hide in knowledge and information
I do not accept or allow myself to ignore, hide and suppress the awareness of me as not applying myself- Instead when the awareness of me not applying myself comes up I immediately see it as an opportunity to establish myself