A reoccuring point within the past couple of days has been in my thoughts and emotions, yet at the same time i feel as though the point is releasing itself from within me because i am talking more about it.

Today my mom told me that a psycic had read a painting that i gave to my mom, the one where i am holding myself within a mirror, with a parallel of the two figures on the right. The psycic said that i had been sexually abused, that I wanted to share this with my mom but couldnt and that i felt as though my innocense had been taken from me. When my mom said this I started to cry, but quickly wiped away my tears.

Thoughts came up while I was at work, relating the distubring dream I had of trying to tell my mother about a murder but couldnt, and had related that to my experience with trying to tell my mom about the abuse. I had a memory of being in the kitchen with her and wanting to tell her- but i cant trust this i am aware of my mind fabricating memories, either way it exists within me and i have given value to all this sychronism. I also looked at my painting within my mind as saw the two figures to the right, one sitting looking up at the other. The other figure is standing on a perch bending backwards, with a white dress. I related the white dress to innosence. There was a smoke attaching the two figures. it seems so obvious now that i look at the painting.

i want to release myself of this whole construct, and not have it influence me, enslave or control me anymore. Im done with punishing myself. And Im done with the relationship i have created of me towards men especially in relationship.

i have a fear of sharing this, but i have a right to speak up and talk, to share what is actually going on in this world- and im not going to kill myself anymore with the guilt that i had allowed abuse onto another. All ABUSE MUST STOP. And so I stop, me, as my mind because I am equally responsible.

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One Response to

  1. Maya says:

    Fascinating point to look at. thanks for sharing is Sally.
    A point to consider is that our life is a play-out as the consequences of everything that we’ve allowed. many, if not most, of the thing that we’ve allowed, came from the unconscious mind. those points are deeply hidden from us so that we remain enslaved.
    We tend to judge our behavior and actions without investigating the unconscious mind networks/systems manifestation which lead us to no where actually.

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