A reoccuring point within the past couple of days has been in my thoughts and emotions, yet at the same time i feel as though the point is releasing itself from within me because i am talking more about it.
Today my mom told me that a psycic had read a painting that i gave to my mom, the one where i am holding myself within a mirror, with a parallel of the two figures on the right. The psycic said that i had been sexually abused, that I wanted to share this with my mom but couldnt and that i felt as though my innocense had been taken from me. When my mom said this I started to cry, but quickly wiped away my tears.
Thoughts came up while I was at work, relating the distubring dream I had of trying to tell my mother about a murder but couldnt, and had related that to my experience with trying to tell my mom about the abuse. I had a memory of being in the kitchen with her and wanting to tell her- but i cant trust this i am aware of my mind fabricating memories, either way it exists within me and i have given value to all this sychronism. I also looked at my painting within my mind as saw the two figures to the right, one sitting looking up at the other. The other figure is standing on a perch bending backwards, with a white dress. I related the white dress to innosence. There was a smoke attaching the two figures. it seems so obvious now that i look at the painting.
i want to release myself of this whole construct, and not have it influence me, enslave or control me anymore. Im done with punishing myself. And Im done with the relationship i have created of me towards men especially in relationship.
i have a fear of sharing this, but i have a right to speak up and talk, to share what is actually going on in this world- and im not going to kill myself anymore with the guilt that i had allowed abuse onto another. All ABUSE MUST STOP. And so I stop, me, as my mind because I am equally responsible.