I had an interesting dream today. i was catching fish with other people. I caught one but i started swinging it around more and more because i didnt want to take the fish off he hook myself. I noticed that there was a cut along the side of the fish, beside one of the fins. The fish was bloody and it was because i had waited so long to remove the hook. I asked someone else to remove the fish for me, and they cut the fish where it was already sliced beside the fin.
I can see how the dream is relating to the current experience of myself. I am relying and waiting for others to take responsibility for me because i do not want to take responsibility for myself. In this waiting and wanting others to take responsibility for me i am causing abuse and prolonged suffering.
I see that my starting point within ITD has been wanting others to take responsibility for me. Where conditions are in place where i must make blogs and vlogs- or else i will kick myself out. The fear of allowing myself to be kicked out has been my motivation to write and vlog- instead of me directing me and moving me for myself. I see that I am abusing those supporting me and the desteni community as a whole- as well as myself.