I have been experiencing anger within the past couple of days. It is still here and i think it has to do with the whole inferiority/superiority point. The anger has dissapated quite a bit, but I now see that when i reflect on my day this anger is being exerted towards people in my world. not acceptable. will go into this after im done with what ive written in my journal.

I posted on my blog and started watching and reading my course material for ITD- these are two points that Ive allowed myself to procrastinate in that were causing anger points within myself. I have taken care of both now so thats cool.

I have identified myself as anger towards myself in relation to vlogging. The point is only making videos about vlogging and nothing else.. I also experience frustration because Im not able to do any more vlogs because my dad has changed his password on the computer. Its like I am wanting to present myself as having more to say than just vlogging… lol. Though, tomorrow is pay day and i am able to go out and buy a camera so any frustration towards this point is completely unnecessary.

Ive gotten quite a bit of acne, the kind where its very painful all day long. I am careful now of not allowing myself to further compound frustration and anger due to acne.

Ive had a headache now that started last night and continued all day long. 7 days worth of compounding. A point that came up for me is: i am participating in anger and not forgiving.

I dont actually want to share the point of superiority/inferiority because i dont want to face within myself the judgment that exists within me, the judgment i have placed on others and in that judgment inferiorizing them. So, I will do something about this point.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anger towards myself.

I want to speak this self-forgiveness allowed but i have resistences to my brother hearing me. which is a fear of others point that i am taking on. I am afriad of my brother judging me and rejecting me. I am afriad he will come into my room and say, what are you doing? with an angry/judgmental facial expression. I am afriad he will pretend to hit me. I am afraid that i will have to come out and explain myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my brother rejecting me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself as my brother

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of my brother

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my brother coming into my room and asking me: what are you doing? with an angry and judgmental facial expression

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my brother

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in fear and reaction to my brother, define myself as less than him

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as less than the minds fear of my brother entering my room with an angry judgmental face asking me what i am doing

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire my brothers approval and acceptance instead of accepting myself unconditionally in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear harm from my brother instead of realizing that another cannot harm me unless i accept and give permission to this harm

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my brother permission to harm me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my brother

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hiding protects me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in hiding, protect my ego

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to control myself as what i experience within emotions and feelings instead of remaining here as breath in silence

to be continued…

Food Log:

1 coffee, 1 bagel with cream cheese, 3 carrots, 7 dried figs, 1 water, 1 st johns wart pill to assist me with anxiety, grilled cheese, twix bar, fruit juice, can of oysters, macaroni with beef and cheese, 1 more coffee.

i eat a lot of cheese

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