Anger

Sharing my writing of the last couple of days in how I have been experiencing myself

I have within the past couple of days, allowed myself to wander in the mind. Many things come up. A definite uncomfortable feeling has been with me since I shared my blog. I’ve noticed that my participation has died down. Many fears come up. 1.) I’ve put a lot of emphasis on making it in this life.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame my experience of fear of not making it in this life on hearing it and seeing it within the writings and videos from desteni

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame desteni for why i have accepted and allowed myself to fear death

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only consider myself in the fear of making it or not

there is a want/desire to make it in this life and a fear of death. I have ideas of what these things are but have no way of proving it. This point is not relevant, yet i have made it so. I had a dream that I was waiting for Bernard to tell me that I wasnt going to make it in this life. The reason why I began ITD is because I am not relevant within it all- or in other words it doesnt matter if i make it or not. what matters is that i do what i can do do bring about an equal money system- and put my funds towards that. the fear is no excuse to give up and not do anything to change myself. Either way, I am in process and that is my truth that i have proved to me because giving up wasnt real- i always come back to the point of starting over. I’m tired of limiting myself to ideas that i have not proved to be real.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to make it in this life- i have no idea what ‘making it’ means because i have not experienced it as me.

i need an outside source to confirm to me that i am doing things ‘right’ or that i am on the ‘right path’, needing approval wanting and desiring approval because ive defined stability within that. it shows me 1.) i have doubted myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to doubt me instead of removing all doubt by investigating this doubt and remove it

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to depend on an outside source to tell me what to do

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility towards others

so here i am showing myself that i have to fucking apply myself.

being intimate with me is one of the hardest things ive had to face.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with me

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry with me for the fear of sharing myself

there is a major pain in my back in the scapula points. ive read the structural resonance on the scapula point, it represents limitation. also reading on the forum i saw that it is a point of self judgment amongst other people. that definetly relates to the experience i have.

so i made a short vid and posted it on youtube just to face this fear point again.

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One Response to Anger

  1. Here is a link to the video :

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