The Last couple of days have been stressful for me. A lot of anxiety has come up. Ive slipped into a mind posession where i become consumed in writing. This is how i fell last time, i completely ignored my physical and obsessed in the smallest details of what im working on in process. What i realised was that i have to stop caring- stop caring as in stop obsessing in what im busy with. When I am consumed in process as writing, my physical environment falls apart. My house gets dirty, I dont take the time to feed myself or take care of what needs to be done because i have placed so much value into what im doing at the moment. This is an obvious point of taking myself for granted- in that im not caring about how i am actually experiencing myself. When i notice that ive gone into this- i remember that I have to take care of my immediate physicality- like cleaning. So today i started cleaning a little, but it was only half ass. In this state of anxiety I do everything half ass- i clean half ass, i feed myself half ass, and i write half ass. I needed to get out of my house so i went to tim hortons to grab a coffee and bagel, in the car i saw that i needed to stop. Stop caring (obsessing), stop everything.. and just enjoy myself and care abuot what im actually experiencing. I watched Sunettes video on haste called QUICK, QUICK, QUICK! Get it done NOW!!! and it is really supportive. I also watched This is MY-‘Space’!, and i saw the connection between them. When i am consumed and busy with whatever I am doing I ignore the people around me. Though I havent allowed myself to get to the point of abusing people Im with verbally or physically- but i am still abusing whats here. Like my dog for instance, will come in to see what im up to and at times i wont even know shes come in. So, here i stop, and allow myself to enjoy me, care about me and live self patience as me. nothing i do from the starting point of haste is actually done and i see that i will have to go back to the same point to re-do it. 1 thing at a time, with all of me in it to produce the value of 1, instead of .5 .
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