I am experiencing the compound effect of anxiety about many things at this time. Where did this anxiety start? It started with Vlogging and Blogging, anxiety with the DIP plan, Anxiety and fear of being pregnant, anxiety with Bernards ‘Denying your truth and Desteni’, Anxiety that i am making a mistake- that one point ‘anxiety of making a mistake’ is where this all started. And that was a while ago. I was making a video -like i have been for weeks now- to post and share myself on youtube. I wanted to share that im starting the ITD course. While i was recording myself speak about starting the ITD i had deja vu, it was a picture of the ITD course in my mind. So i searched the desteni website for the ‘meaning’ of deja vu. What i ‘understood’ was that I am making a mistake. But i cannot trust this ‘understanding’ because i have not proven it to myself in fact. I only believed that Deja Vu is a mistake that ive made before that i am repeating. Instead of looking into myself, i looked to the desteni forums for answers. But the fear of making a mistake already existed within me, i only confirmed that fear by myself through searching for answers outside of myself.
What is the mistake i fear?
fear of not being ready. the belief that i need to first ‘do something’ to ‘get somewhere’ to apparently be ready for ITD. I see that i have allowed this construct to grow, because i’ve added new information like: the fear of fading away and disappearing like i have before. The fear of speaking and communicating because of mistakes ive made in the past, fear of those consequences.